How To: Date Without Dating

Today is a quick one. I have a client who hates dating. She feels that a typical date brings out the worst aspects of her personality (anxiety, pessimism and fear, to name a few). Naturally, I had to fix it! Here are 5 ways to date each other…without actually dating.

Cook at home. Did you know there are studies which cite that cooking together is not only healthier, but can literally help to improve your relationship? That’s because when you’re doing things with someone you care about, without any distractions, it helps you to feel so much more connected to them. And that can ultimately lead to a happier kind of relationship overall.

Find a mutual hobby. Something else that can be a lot of fun is to find a hobby that the both of you can do together. It could be taking an art class, going hiking or making pottery. Just make sure that it’s something you both are genuinely interested in. That way, it feels more like a skill that you are developing while spending a bit of quality time together and not simply an activity to appease one more than the other.

Pitch a tent (indoors). I mean, you can also pitch a tent outside, but if it’s a bit chilly or you’re not the fondest of the critters that roam in the nighttime hours, you can always make a fort indoors too. String some lights, play some music, order some of your favorite food and then lie on top of a few throw pillows until you talk yourself to sleep. It’s romance without a ton of work. (For tips on how to build your own tent, click here).

Learn about each other’s favorite things. You can learn a lot about someone by discovering their favorite foods, favorite music, favorite movies and cities (etc.). So, one night make a point to listen to some of each other’s favorite songs. Another night, go on Netflix or Hulu to see if each other’s favorite movies are available to watch. One weekend, take a road trip. It won’t feel like “dating”. It will feel more like…intimacy.

Be spontaneous. Sitting on the phone on a Thursday, asking each other what you both want to do on a Saturday, can sometimes feel more like an obligation than anything else. If you’re both pretty keen on surprises, put forth the effort to be a bit spontaneous. Get up and go to a festival in the city. Have breakfast food for dinner at a 24-hour café. Stroll along the streets downtown, just because. Dating doesn’t have to feel like work. It’s all about doing what you want…in a way that suits the two of you. Best.

Cultivate the right dating relationship for you,

June